Early in my career as a junior’s volleyball coach I wanted complete control over my athletes’ schedule. Wanting them to prioritize my practices and my coaching was not from a point of arrogance. I simply had a strong conviction if the athlete followed my plan they could rational goals within their athletic career. However, this philosophy was centered around one thing. Me.

Now don't get me wrong, I wanted the athlete to grow and unlock their full potential, but by focusing on my "wants" I failed to consider the individual maturation of my athletes. As I continue to evolve as a coach, my paradigm continues to shift.  In acknowledgment of each athlete’s individuality, goals, and priorities, I now place an extreme amount of ownership onto the athlete. This article will give insight into my point of view, and hopefully inspire you to open your mind to a new perspective when developing young athletes. Although this article is primarily focused on athletes choosing to pursue college athletics, I believe there are some key takeaways within that apply to all athletes.

Part 1: The Athlete as a Multifaceted Individual

Every athlete we have the privilege to coach is wonderfully unique. Their personality, their abilities, and their goals can all vary drastically. Therefore, it is crucial to take a differentiated approach to each athlete’s development. An athlete who does not have a competitive personality and is undersized may have a hard time competing at the highest level and should be pointed towards a program that accommodates their abilities, while still offering them opportunities to grow. On the contrary, an athlete who is crazy athletic, and hyper competitive may be just the right pick for a high level program, and they should be pointed towards their own respective programs. These two journeys and destinations are unique and should be treated with equal respect. 

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Sidebar: I want to note that the "D1 or bust" mindset is not healthy or beneficial to anyone. As mentioned above, there are so many factors that affect one’s ability and interest in playing at the college level, or at the D1 level. After a junior athlete has expressed interest in playing at the college level, the athlete, parents, and coaches need to come together to assess the tangibility of the goal and then consider the following questions when planning for the junior athlete’s future: Does the college have a major I am passionate about? Will I be happy living in the town the college is in? Can I afford this college? Does the team have culture I want to be a part of? Lastly, is the college interested in me athletically and am I interested in them? College is not solely about athletics and certainly not solely about D1 athletics. 

 

This is what I preach to all my athletes during the college selection phase. An athlete should be proud to play at any level because they are already amongst the few who are able to continue their athletic career. This includes the entire spectrum, JuCo to D1. Keep in mind there are hundreds of fantastic schools out there, and all you need to do is look.

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Part 2: Sport Prioritization 

It is no secret that high school sports have a big part in a junior athlete's career. This is a time where memories are made, school spirit is developed, and friendships are formed. All very good things for an athlete to have! However, are we putting too much emphasis on high school sports? In my conversations with college coaches, playing club volleyball is nearly a unanimous must for any athlete looking to play at the next level. However, there are countless stories of high school athletes being penalized or ostracized by their high school coaches for playing club sports. 

​Let me be clear, I am not writing this article to push an agenda. I am writing this article to showcase a new approach that puts the athlete's success first. As a beach volleyball club director and coach, I have adopted a new thought process. When an athlete comes to me and says “Coach I want to play beach for fun, but my priority is my academics and indoor volleyball,” I am thrilled to hear this. I am thrilled because this young athlete has used discernment in their decision making, proactively communicated their priorities, and advocated for their interests. This is a major step towards maturity, and a great thing for the world of competitive junior athletics. More athletes prioritizing a single sport brings up the level of that specific sport. According to this JVA article the “dual sport athlete is going extinct” at the collegiate level. Therefore, for juniors with collegiate athletic aspirations, prioritizing sports is no longer a suggestion, but a must. Does this mean their cannot be dual sport athletes, not at all! It just means there should be prioritization in one. So, why as a coach in season am I ok with an athlete not prioritizing my practices? Three reasons: Responsibility and Decision Making, the “Equal, but Not Fair” philosophy, and the Scholarship Theory (aka Money Theory).

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• Responsibility and Decision Making: Life is full of decisions. Oftentimes we are faced with two events that conflict in our schedule and have to choose. Junior athletes need to learn this skill young, and fast; It WILL help them mature. Throughout an athletes career, they will have to choose between events. Whether it’s a school dance or a club practice, a family function or a high school game, tough decisions will have to be made. I want to encourage parents to have a conversation with your athletes about decision making. All decisions have consequences, there is no getting around it. Have the conversations now, and encourage your athlete to start making hard decisions and most importantly showing responsibility by owning them. I have talked to many college athletes across the country and a common statement I get is, “I wish I had better discernment in high school when making decisions.” As adults, this doesn’t shock us one bit. The old adage “hindsight is 20/20,” I think reigns true for everyone. One of our themes last year was focusing on long term success over short term gratification. For the athletes who desired to play collegiate volleyball, they understood this sacrifice and oftentimes missed social gatherings, school events, and family outings. Am I saying an athlete should be a robot who only eats, sleeps and dreams their sport? Absolutely not! It’s a balancing act, and one they will continue doing through college and beyond. As adults we call it a “work-life balance” as junior athletes we call it “time management.” It is all the same. When work/sport season is ramping up, practice or work becomes the priority, as work/season slows down, it allows us to take personal breaks and time off to recoup. This is life!  Remember, the choices we make always have consequences, it’s just a fact of life. Junior athletes making decisions and taking ownership of them, is essential to their growth as they move towards adulthood. The good news is as adults we have the privilege of encouraging them to take ownership of their decisions, even if their decision is not the one we would make.

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• Equal, but Not Fair: Let me start by painting a scenario. Athlete A is a top tier athlete. This is the kind of athlete that comes along in a coach's life every 5 years, if they are lucky. Athlete A is good at every sport they try. Let's say Athlete A is playing indoor volleyball, but is more seriously pursuing college basketball. Athlete A goes to their volleyball coach and says “Coach, I need to miss this week's practice for basketball.” How does the coach respond? Having talked to hundreds of junior athletes, I can classify almost all of the responses into one of these three categories: The Punishment, The Bench, or The Guilt. 

 

• The Punishment: “You can miss, but you will owe me 10 sprints when you come back.” Why are we punishing an athlete for pursuing their goals? Do we really feel our momentary season is more important than an athlete's collegiate future? Why can’t we celebrate the athlete pursuing their goals and their dedication towards these goals? There is no need to penalize an athlete for making a decision because they have inconvenienced us.

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• The Bench: “If you miss, I will bench you for the next 2 games.” Let’s say this is Athlete A, a starter, by issuing this punishment, the coach is putting the entire team at a disadvantage, all because an athlete is missing practice for a solid reason. Of course there are frivolous reasons for missing practice (I once had an athlete miss for a nail appointment and didn't know how to respond), but we are talking about missing to pursue a long term goal. On the flip side, even if the athlete isn’t a starter, you are just taking away another opportunity for them to possibly see the court, where they could have improved and possibly helped the team. It just doesn’t make sense.

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• The Guilt: “You will be letting your team down"or "This could take away our opportunity to win, and could change the outcome of our season.” Unfortunately, this one is the most common of them all, and in my opinion the worst thing to do to an athlete's psyche. Coaches, are we crazy?! Manipulating a junior athlete's feelings in order to get the outcome we want for our program. We need to put the athlete first. As coaches, we have the unique power to easily change the narrative. When an athlete is deciding to miss to pursue their other goals, we have the opportunity to praise this athlete for chasing their dream. Imagine a coach saying, “Hey team, we are going to be down Athlete A this week. She is pursuing her goals of college athletics in a basketball game this week and we should be excited for her! Now team, this means that we need to step up, and fill her shoes. That is why we are a team. We do not rely on individuals, but work as one body towards a common goal.” That is a powerful message which acknowledges the individual athlete’s priorities, while still fostering teamwork and team spirit. 

 

By now you are probably wondering how this ties back into the main point, equal but not fair, so let me explain. In every season there is, or at least should be, equal opportunity for improvement and equal opportunity to earn a starting position. However, the results may not be fair. Let's take our star player, Athlete A. There is a strong chance this athlete could miss practices, and still outperform their teammates. Is this ok? Without a question, yes. Is it fair? No, but not because Athlete A missed practice, it’s unfair because some athletes put in more time practicing and still do not have the necessary improvement. Life isn’t fair, and this lesson is ok to be taught within junior athletics. The majority of pushback I get from coaches on this subject stems from the fear of angry parent interactions. “My kid is at every practice and Athlete A misses, why do they get to start?” The answer is simple. “Athlete A is better than your athlete at this sport, even when they have missed practice and your athlete has not. I understand this may not seem fair, but they were given equal opportunity and Athlete A is just a better player." Coaches need to voice this, parents need to understand this, and it is ok to lead with honesty. If we are trying to grow these athletes into strong adults, then it is good for them to learn how to celebrate others’ success. Working hard towards personal development is a skill, regardless if the hard work results in what others perceive as success.

 

• The Scholarship Theory: It is important for coaches to recognize their actions can have financial implications on their athlete’s families and future. Every family has different financial abilities. Athlete A may come from a wealthy family and scholarship may not be a need, whereas Athlete B may need a scholarship to even consider college. As I mentioned above every athlete is unique and their families financial situation is no different.​​

 

• ​​​​​Let’s say Athlete B needs to miss practice to focus on their primary sport. From fear of punishment, bench, or guilt within their current team they decide to change their focus from long term success to short term gratification. In return, the athlete misses out on hundreds of hours of training over the course of their 4 years, and is passed up for a scholarship; in turn the opportunity to play at the collegiate level. For quick numbers, let’s say the average scholarship an athlete is offered covers 25% of their tuition. This equates to around $10,000-$15,000 a year or $40,000-$60,000 over the course of 4 years. Now shifting focus, as a coach I want nothing more than to have an athlete attend all of my practices. However, how disconnected would I have to be to claim my practices are more important than an athlete saving $40,000-$60,000 over the course of their college career! That’s insane! I am not just talking about the D1 kids, I am talking about the entire spectrum from JuCo transfers to 4-year university commits.

 

These three concepts have greatly changed how I respond to my athletes. As I continue to evolve as a coach, I believe this holistic approach to analyzing each athlete’s situation will continue to benefit the athlete and what the future has in store.

 

So what should one do with this information? I am glad you asked.

 

Parents: You know your athlete better than anyone. You know their favorite foods, you know their strengths and weaknesses, and you know their hearts. I have not met a parent who has said “I want my kid to grow up faster.” In fact it’s typically the opposite. “Life is moving too fast,” “I can’t believe they are turning 16,” “One more year and we become empty nesters!” I would encourage you to reflect on this article and think about your child's balance. Consider what it looks like for your child to take responsibility for their sport(s), their academics, and their time. Please hear me when I say your athlete does not need complete autonomy, you already know this. However, allow them to take responsibility, point them to their long term goals, let them learn what sacrifice and hard decisions look like from a young age. It can mature your children in a healthy way. When they reach adulthood and when they get into college and adulthood they will have a understanding of sacrifice, how to establish balance, and the importance of communication. Teaching young athletes, who will one day be young adults, to communicate their needs, wants, and goals is an essential lesson in life. I promise it will pay dividends as they progress through adulthood. Lastly, encourage them to take ownership and work through repercussions while they have you as a safety-net.

Coaches: From coach to coach, loosen your grip on the athletes. Let them make decisions and learn from them. Let them understand how to manage time and learn from their choices. I am simply asking that we focus our attention off of wins and championships, and onto the holistic development of junior athletes. Allow them the freedom to grow and make decisions which could greatly affect their future without guilt or fear of retaliation. I hope we don’t coach for personal success, or to be the winningest coach in history. We coach because we love the game and want to share our love for the game, but first and foremost, we coach to develop young athletes into remarkable people. People that will go out and influence their communities for the better. People that know how to lift others up and chase goals. So next time an athlete comes to us with a decision they have made, let’s not be offended, let’s not take it personally, let's think to ourselves “What about the athlete?”
 

This article represents a collaborative effort involving collegiate coaches, current and former college athletes, parents, and high school coaches. I want to extend my sincere gratitude for the invaluable contributions and unwavering commitment to enhancing the athletic experience for both present and future generations of athletes.